The other day I was looking up non binary videos on YouTube. Not to spam the comment sections with ‘only 2’ or ‘I identify as an attack helicopter’ (I only did that once and I did it out of love- the attack helicopter one). What I did do was mini rant about demigenders. It’s only logical I’d make this post eventually.
So I’ll start with one of the videos I watched. It was this dude (amab) explaining his demiboy gender. Demiboy basically means that you identify as a boy but not fully. His reasons ns for identifying as such kinda pissed me off a little. It’s not that I was pissed at him, but pissed about what this represented. And maybe a little pissed for him.
Let me explain.
He spoke about how he never really felt that much like a stereotypical guy, and how he mostly got on with girls and felt more himself with them- that he didn’t have to act more manly for them.
Now I know I’m not him so I don’t know what goes on in his head, but I can make some sound extrapolations. From his words, I can tell that because he doesn’t meet the ‘requirements’ for being a man, that must not be one. But he’s sort of still a dude so the label ‘demiboy’ seemed to just fit. He also feels closer to women and that he can be more himself with them, so that also must show that he’s not a man, fully at least.
I’ve fallen victim to this kind of thinking. Even though I settled with nonbinary, I did ID as demigirl at some point, because I had no trouble with dysphoria at the time, but I didn’t get along with girls. I wasn’t girly and I didn’t like the things that girls liked. I was essentially a tomboy, but I was so deep in the gender stuff I never realised how silly it all was.
Back to the dude now:
From the ‘visual evidence’ I gathered that he was quite effeminate. He’s gay as well which helps explain why he might feel more self conscious around men. Even if he wasn’t, I can imagine an effeminate guy would feel conscious around other guys. I’m not a guy so I’m probably the least qualified person to say this, but I’m sure you’d be more likely be made fun of by other guys. Society is more accepting of tomboys than effeminate guys also.
So my beef with demigenders? They enforce strict gender roles. Men must be like this and women must be like that. No exceptions. This guy feels that he can’t even be a man because he’s not manly enough. Haven’t the lgbt fought against this? Haven’t we fought to allow people to dress how they like and like who they like without shame. We’re regressing and it’s gross.
I’ve seen a couple YouTubers who crossdress. MilesJay and Malibu Dollface are two that come to mind. I honestly thought that Malibu Dollface was a woman. Like not even a transwoman. He’s pretty funny though, and his outfits are always cute. These two YouTubers are actually both gay men. It’s good that they aren’t ashamed of being who they are and calling themselves men.
So let’s stop this demigender bullshit and actually be proud to be ourselves and have confidence in our genders. Effeminate men should be unapologetically effeminate men. Masculine women should be unapologetically masculine women. Our interests and fashion sense don’t define our gender- our brain does. And let me also add that I’m not talking about (binary*) transgender people. Thought I’d add a disclaimer.
Cut the demigender bullshit.
[* I added ‘binary’ in brakets bekcause I know some peoplw include non nonbinary in the transgender umbrella. I personally no longer include them but that’s only my opinion and you are more than welcome to disagree.]