Gender · RANTS! · SJW

Why I hate the labels ‘demigirl’ and ‘demiboy’

The other day I was looking up non binary videos on YouTube. Not to spam the comment sections with ‘only 2’ or ‘I identify as an attack helicopter’ (I only did that once and I did it out of love- the attack helicopter one). What I did do was mini rant about demigenders. It’s only logical I’d make this post eventually.

So I’ll start with one of the videos I watched. It was this dude (amab) explaining his demiboy gender. Demiboy basically means that you identify as a boy but not fully. His reasons ns for identifying as such kinda pissed me off a little. It’s not that I was pissed at him, but pissed about what this represented. And maybe a little pissed for him.

Let me explain.

He spoke about how he never really felt that much like a stereotypical guy, and how he mostly got on with girls and felt more himself with them- that he didn’t have to act more manly for them.

Now I know I’m not him so I don’t know what goes on in his head, but I can make some sound extrapolations.  From his words, I can tell that because he doesn’t meet the ‘requirements’ for being a man, that must not be one. But he’s sort of still a dude so the label ‘demiboy’ seemed to just fit. He also feels closer to women and that he can be more himself with them, so that also must show that he’s not a man, fully at least.

I’ve fallen victim to this kind of thinking. Even though I settled with nonbinary, I did ID as demigirl at some point, because I had no trouble with dysphoria at the time, but I didn’t get along with girls. I wasn’t girly and I didn’t like the things that girls liked. I was essentially a tomboy, but I was so deep in the gender stuff I never realised how silly it all was.

Back to the dude now:

From the ‘visual evidence’ I gathered that he was quite effeminate. He’s gay as well which helps explain why he might feel more self conscious around men. Even if he wasn’t, I can imagine an effeminate guy would feel  conscious around other guys. I’m not a guy so I’m probably the least qualified person to say this, but I’m sure you’d be more likely be made fun of by other guys. Society is more accepting of tomboys than effeminate guys also.

So my beef with demigenders? They enforce strict gender roles. Men must be like this and women must be like that. No exceptions. This guy feels that he can’t even be a man because he’s not manly enough. Haven’t the lgbt fought against this? Haven’t we fought to allow people to dress how they like and like who they like without shame. We’re regressing and it’s gross.

I’ve seen a couple YouTubers who crossdress. MilesJay and Malibu Dollface are two that come to mind. I honestly thought that Malibu Dollface was a woman. Like not even a transwoman. He’s pretty funny though, and his outfits are always cute. These two YouTubers are actually both gay men. It’s good that they aren’t ashamed of being who they are and calling themselves men.

So let’s stop this demigender bullshit and actually be proud to be ourselves and have confidence in our genders. Effeminate men should be unapologetically effeminate men. Masculine women should be unapologetically masculine women. Our interests and fashion sense don’t define our gender- our brain does. And let me also add that I’m not talking about (binary*) transgender people. Thought I’d add a disclaimer.

Cut the demigender bullshit.


[* I added ‘binary’ in brakets bekcause I know some peoplw include non nonbinary in the transgender umbrella. I personally no longer include them but that’s only my opinion and you are more than welcome to disagree.]


9 thoughts on “Why I hate the labels ‘demigirl’ and ‘demiboy’

  1. I’m genderfluid and currently identify as a nonbinary demiboy. I hear what you are saying, and I think gender ststereotypes can definitely effect the way people label themselves. BUT as a person who is a demi-boy this label has actually been really comforting to me, and let me say it has nothing to do with my presentation. I’m a demi-boy because I am not a man, I’m not a boy, I’m not binary, not because I don’t fit the stereotypes.. Like I’m getting top surgery sometimes I have short hair etc etc all the gender stereotypes but none of that matters cause I’m still not a man. Yes sometimes I really wish my face was more angular or that my voice was lower or I could grow a beard, but that still doesn’t make me a man because I’m not one, I am nonbinary but slightly aligned with the term boy because that is what I like being called, i like being called a boy and a boyfriend. People choose terms that feel right for them. For be being a demi-boy is easier to say than saying I’m genderfluid nonbinary but I feel a stronger alignment with the word boy and those terms than when I am agender or feeling like a demigirl.


    1. Thanks for the comment! In all honesty I wasn’t expecting any nb to comment, but lets be real, I would’ve done the same.

      Okay, I’m not sure if I got this, but you identify as demi-boy because you’re genderfluid? In that sense I can see why that might be useful (though it’s taking a lot of brain power hehe). If it’s okay to ask, why do you identify as demigirl? And what does genderfluid mean to you?


      1. I’m genderfluid because my gender fluctuates over time, like from over a couple months to a year it just shifts overtime between three genders: demi-boy (where I am now), agender, and demigirl.

        I identify as a demi-boy because I feel strongly nonbinary but its a different feeling then when I’m agender. I feel nb but aligned with a “boy-ish feeling” its hard to explain.. I just am nb but also feel like a kind of boy like maybe 30-40% boy the rest nonbinary.

        When I identify as a demigirl its somewhat similar. I feel nonbinary but like 15-20% of me feels aligned with being a girl. I usually always use they because its what feels right but I’m more okay with she/her when I’m a demi-girl and terms like girl or lady. Just like right now I use they/them but I’m okay if people call me he/him and I like being called a boyfriend/boy.


      2. Okay, thanks for the in depth explanation. Personally I don’t know what being a ‘girl’ or a ‘boy’ feels like (which is the reason I used to identify as nonbinary) so I doubt I’ll really ever be able to understand.


      3. Most people I know who are demi genders are nonbinary but feel a little bit like one gender. I have a friend who is AFAB and nonbinary but identifies as both nb and a demigirl because they feel a partial alignment to being a girl but they are still over 50% nonbinary and need people to use they them pronouns.


  2. Hey I understand your though and I think you are right that this reason for labeling as demigender is kinda wrong.

    I personally felt like that for a long time. Always hate when people assumed I like pink, floral and cute and sweet, dresses, etc. I was ok with being a girl, but didn’t like people linking me with the stereotype, so I chose to identify as demi-girl to really put a line between me and the stereotype (I actually never really came out, I was still struggling with my identity).

    I think if I had read that back then, it would have changed my mind, because it is right, I should be proud of being a girl even if I don’t fit the stereotype.

    Though, i really think it was a learning process for me. I though that I didn’t like being called a girl and being assumed I was like the stereotype, because I thought I was a girl. Today, I balance more towards the non-binary gender, because I questioned myself a lot and still am. I still call myself demi-girl, but now I feel it’s because I’m not just a “masculine girl”, I am a non-binary, maybe feeling more like a girl, like between 40 to 60% girl and the rest … something. nothing maybe. maybe a boy. eh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comment, Mel. I still don’t really understand what it means to be partly a girl and partly something else. I used to identify as non-binary until I stopped for a couple of reasons, one of those being that I’m not even convinced on the concept of gender- the feeling, not the category we assign different traits to (while still believing gender dysphoria is true- I know, it’s weird). So either I’m agender or gender doesn’t exist. Could you explain what gender feels like? How do you know that you are a girl? And how do you know that you aren’t 100% a girl?


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