Quick note before I begin: I will be using men/women when referring to gender, and male/female when referring to sex. Just so it’s clear. Also, I’m going to talk about genitalia a lot so if you don’t like that stuff then feel free to NOT read.
I promised I’d make this post so here it is:
Genital Preferences- Transphobic or no?
How about… no.
Genital preferences are not transphobic and let me tells you why.
Genital preferences are a part of sexuality. This is because genitals are gendered, despite what some people try to tell you.
Let’s go back to basic sex ed for a minute: the vagina and labia are female genitalia, and the penis and testicles are male genitalia. This isn’t something society thought up one day to oppress people. Sex is real.
Now that we’ve established that, let’s talk more about sexual orientation. Your sexual orientation is based on a person’s appearance. If you like males you will be attracted to masculine qualities, including male genitalia. If you like females, you will be attracted to female qualities, including genitalia.
One thing we must keep in mind while discussing sexuality is that sexuality can be fluid in the sense that it doesn’t always fit neatly into categories. You can generally be attracted to men (and not be bisexual), but still be attracted to feminine men or transmen or maybe sometimes masculine women. Sometimes sexuality isn’t fluid and people need to understand that both are okay.
Some people don’t want to date and sleep with trans people because they’re straight or gay and they aren’t attracted to (or even turned off by) the genitals they have. It happens. Sexuality isn’t about gender identity- it’s about sex and appearance.
If you’re bisexual or have a fluid sexuality, it can be hard to understand- it’s hard for me too. I generally don’t have genital preferences. I’m not even a fan of genitals to begin with- they’re weird looking- I’m attracted to other sex characteristics in people, but that’s just me. That’s just how my sexuality works. Genitals really mean nothing to me. It does to other people because we all perceive the world differently and have different feelings, preferences and sexualities.
I’m not sure I even want to go into racial preferences but I’ll go ahead and say they’re not racist. Beauty is subjective and different races look different. I myself prefer Asian people and less so black people because I think Asian people are more attractive. It could be the opposite for someone else.
The moment a preference becomes transphobic or racist is when the reasons for those are based on incorrect stereotypes. For example if you think all black people are thieves despite not seeing any evidence for that, and that’s why you don’t want to date them, then yes, that’s racist. That goes for any other group (including majority groups!!!).
There are arguments stating that genital preferences are transphobic because you are seeing the (for example) trans woman as a man… well, it’s true. You are seeing a part of a trans woman as a man. When someone sees a dick and balls, yes they are going to think ‘man’! It is not transphobic, though. And it is not based on biases society has given us. It is based on the basic knowledge that penis = male genitalia and if you are not attracted to males, you will not be attracted to a trans woman’s penis. That’s just how it is. We’re not socialised to think this way- it is biology.
A lot of those critical of this assertion (that genital preferences are transphobic) claim that it’s rape-y and sounds like conversion therapy. Leaving the ‘rape-y’ part aside (because I’m sure the people making this assertion don’t advocate for rape), let’s have a look at the latter point.
Conversion therapy relies on the assertion that people choose their sexuality and it is not innate. That gay and bisexual people can be turned straight if you try hard enough. We, of course, know this is not true. Conversion therapy only leads to people lying about their sexuality. If sexuality was a choice or simply a ‘bias’ gay and bisexual people can simply decide to be straight. Similarly gay and straight people can abandon their ‘biases’ in conversion therapy camp and stop being ‘bigoted’.
Do you see the parallels here?
It really strikes me as odd to think that the lgbt would be fighting against what they fought so hard for in the past- the right to love, date and sleep with whoever they want, and not sleep with who they don’t want to (with gays and lesbians, that would be the opposite sex).
But, hey, that’s just my opinion, and I invite you to share your own.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week!