LNR: Couldn’t sleep so I’m reviving my blog

*Taps mic* Is... Is this thing on? It... It is?! Well great. Uhh... Hi? I'm Peanut. I've been gone for a while. I've been gone so long I graduated. I got a first btw. You can go ahead and clap for me. It's currently almost 5 am and I can't sleep. Probably should be revising.…

Flipped Switch

I thought about something unpleasant earlier. Not just the unpleasant event, but all my feelings afterwards, and my anger and frustration of not being taken seriously or heard or believed. I don't normally think about it, but I feel like watching stuff about dissociation just flipped a switch in me, and I go into brooding…

I’m Steven

I just finished watching an episode of Steven Universe Future - together forever I think it was called. Now my experience with SU future is that it's one big ol' Steven torture porn designed to wean us off the series so we won't mourn it after it's gone. Tbh I only watch it because I…

Good Enough

I just found my crush, the beautiful redheaded goddess that is <insert name>, on instagram. Yeah I haven't come up with a name for her yet so you'll just have to deal with 'her' or 'goddess'. (I'll stick with 'her') I'm pretty sure my crush on her is different that my crush on Phoenix. With…

Truly a Mental Battle

I feel like I'm in constant battle with my brain. Well, I would be considered part of my brain. But, I feel like my some part of my brain is fighting against me. We have different goals and I don't know if it knows mine but I don't know its goals. Her goals? His goals?…

Let’s give this a try

Wow... It's been a while. I intended to post here for a while now but never got to it. Busy, y'know. I could make this a post where I catch you up on what I've been doing, but I don't feel like doing that right now. I'm not even sure if I'll keep posting. But…

Access Denied

T/W Discussing abuse. Not in any real detail, but it comes up. So in The Sims 4, the alien sims have the ability to wipe a person's memory of them from the other sim's mind. I think that's pretty cool, but it would be more awesome if you could actually wipe their whole memory (and…

Netflix and Chill

Yo, how're you doing? I'm been busting my backside trying to get all my revision notes done before my exams which are actually starting this month! I know. My university is evil. But I've got a little time here so I'm gonna give a quick life update. And it's actually not going to be negative…

The Negative Voice

Just a little trigger warning- I talk about self-harm here, but not in too much detail. The other day in therapy, I mentioned self-harm to my therapist, that I'd tried it once (which now that I think about it- that was untrue. I've probably self-harmed a lot more) and recently got the urge to do…

Names

I was just thinking how much I didn't want to do my coursework, or any work for that matter, shortly before screaming out "WORK IS FOR SQUARES!!!" It made me remember how I thought my name was kinda 'square-like'. I don't really know how to elaborate because this is just how my brain works... I…

Double-Teaming Anxiety: Me and Zii

I've been having trouble figuring out a name to give my closest uni friend for a while now, but I thought I'd settle on Zii. Zii is the name of a character in a webcomic called Ménage à trois (A real cool NSFW comic- loads of lgbt characters because yeah, I like that shit). Keep…

Guilty

TW: Rambling about abuse and shit I always feel guilty when I refer to what my parents did and what my parents still do as 'abuse'. It just makes me feel really guilty for two reasons. I feel like it's not actually abuse and I'm just being a brat and putting my parents under the…